Sun reported to not only be incapable of wearing a hat, but also not even own one.

Experts have stated today that if the sun were indeed to put on a hat it would surely be engulfed in flames on the surface of his 5500 °C (about 9900 °F) head.
Dr Hopson of Londons Royal Astronomical Society said that “it wouldn’t even work if the hat was made of, like, steel or something, ‘cause it really is very, very hot and would just vaporise. It’s even hotter than a really hot oven”.

Staff at St Brendan’s CofE School, have been asked to try to overlook the subject should it be bought up, to keep from upsetting the children. “The cost of recalling thousands of books to edit ‘The Sun Has Got His Hat On’ would be phenomenal”, says Head Teacher Ms Flaps. “The budgets for most schools are tight as it is, and it’s hard enough trying to maintain a general work ethic with these rubber headed children, without also losing their trust. We’ve done it with huge sections of the other text books”, she added, as she returned to her wincing students.

Terry Dilddleton, a local interior designer, sympathised with the Head Teacher, pledging full blackouts on every window, saying, “the quicker we can get around this, the happier the children can be. I’m not standing by while a child weeps, due to some big, hot, lying orange cunt in the sky. I fucking love kids”.

(c) Dave Selby 2010